


My Heart Will Go On

by casstayinmyass



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 1910, Alternate Universe - Titanic Fusion, Anna is Castiel's granddaughter, Balthazar is Cal, Balthazar would hate me for this, Captain Gabriel Shurley, Cas is Rose, Castiel is frustrated with his life, Chuck is the marine scientist, Cigarettes, Dean Smokes, Dean is Jack, Dean is very charming, Dean teaches Cas how to smoke, F/M, Feelsy, M/M, Ocean, RMS Titanic, Sad, Titanic AU, Zach is a dick obv, iceberg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 07:41:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4598484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casstayinmyass/pseuds/casstayinmyass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel composed himself, taking a breath. "You know… I've been here for a very long time… experienced... many things. And of course, I remember the most remarkable event. The grand story. And we ripped up the ending… the rules... and destiny… leaving nothing but freedom, and choice." He looked at them. "Let me tell you my story, of the great ship of dreams."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

“Welcome, Miss Novak-Winchester. You’re here with your grandfather?”

Red-haired Anna nodded with a smile, stepping through the door with the marine scientist. “Uh, it’s Mrs. Milton now. Married,” she said, holding up her finger.

“Oh… forgive me.”

“No worries. Before, it was just Novak for me, though. I don’t really know why Grandpa goes by Novak-Winchester. He never told me the story behind it.”

Chuck nodded, and sat down at a desk. “So, he… claims he knows the man in the picture?”

Anna nodded once again. “He just looked at the TV, and it was like something came over him. He was dead set on visiting you.”

She bit her lip. “Listen, I know how it sounds… but I can’t say I don’t believe him, Mr. Shurley. He was on the Titanic, you know, one of those who survived. His memory is sharp as I’ve ever seen for someone his age.”

Chuck nodded. He was in awe of the fact he was so close to meeting an actual survivor of the fatal event that he had studied for years, one who had lived through it all, and who, even more surprisingly, remembers it all. He wasn’t so disrespectful to judge this man’s memories as false.

“Is your grandfather here with you?” he asked. Anna nodded, and turned, going out for a moment, and walked back in with him.

“Castiel?” Chuck asked, and the white-haired man looked around at all the screens in the room. They were currently monitoring the ground-breaking wreckage they had just discovered of the legendary ship, Titanic. The monitors showed the ghostly remains of buried pieces, floating deep.

He looked back, and sat down. “Hello.”

Chuck swallowed, standing up and extending a hand. “It’s an honour to meet you… my great grandfather was the Captain of the Titanic, which is why I'm so interested in it... but you... meeting an actual survivor- I mean… dude, wow.” Castiel gave a small smile.

“There’s nothing especially notable about me, though I thank you for your compliment.”

“Yeah, only that you survived the sinking of the god damn Titanic!” Chuck’s more blunt fellow scientist, Rufus, said. Cas looked down at his hands, and smiled again.

“Yes… I was lucky.” Then he looked up. “Do you have the picture?”

Chuck nodded.

“May I see it?”

Chuck readily handed over the drawing of the man with a necklace, which was slightly blurred and a little faded from seawater, but otherwise, the strokes of the pencil were well preserved. The man stared at it, and his eyes filled a little. Anna put a hand on his back, and Cas traced the thin line of his bottom lip. “I… I never thought I would ever see this again,” he said, his voice cracking a little.

Chuck respectfully let his emotions run their course, and finally spoke up. “So… you know who this is?”

Castiel looked up with a smile, a renewed brightness behind his crystal blue eyes.

“Yes. The man in this drawing is me.”

There was a shocked silence, and even Anna looked at him.

“Oh, I know this must sound crazy,” Castiel said, “I claim the one drawing you find from decades ago is me, of all people. I’m older than I was back then, gentlemen, and far less handsome now than this version of myself, but I do not forget the night that this picture was drawn of me… I remember it very vividly, in fact.”

Chuck was stunned. “Wow,” he muttered, for lack of a better response, "Cool..." Then he shook himself out of it. "Wh-who drew it, may I ask?" Castiel looked at the picture as if he were looking at a long buried, beloved memory, which, in all truth, he was. His eyes filled a little more, though he still looked happy.

"His name was Dean."

“Grandpa,” Anna, who was surprised that she had never heard this name before, said, “Are you okay?” Castiel wiped a tear away.

“Of course,” he said.

He composed himself, taking a breath. “You know… I’ve been here for a very long time… experienced... many things. And of course, I remember the most remarkable event. The grand story. And we ripped up the ending… the rules... and destiny… leaving nothing but freedom, and choice."

He looked at them. “Let me tell you my story.”

Chuck sat back in his chair, wide eyed, Rufus took a seat out of curiosity, and Anna kept her hand on his shoulder as they listened intently.


	2. Chapter 2

April 10, 1912  
\--------------

The ship’s whistle blew, loud and clear for everyone to hear and observe. People were hugging, saying their goodbyes, and getting on in what looked like herds.

Excitement filled the air, the docks consumed with the hustle and bustle of the passengers. Castiel Novak exited the coach, taking his promised fiancée's hand.

"Lovely, hm?" Balthazar Manchester asked in his smooth British accent, giving Cas' hand a squeeze. Cas stared up at the giant ship. It looked luxurious, to say the least, with majestic sides and smokestacks that stood tall with pride.

They were followed on board by Castiel's mother and father, Collette and Cain, and Balthazar's sister, Bela. Once his family had heard of this new Titanic making its first voyage back to America, they had seen it as a perfect opportunity to take the trip back for Castiel and Balthazar's wedding.

Being of the social class they were, they reserved rooms in the highest priority service, made for society folk. In other words, the stuffy people with frilly suits and stifling corsets walking around like they own the world.

They boarded the ship with regard from the captain, a short blonde man who was greeting everyone. Aboard walked a middle-aged woman, almost Castiel's mother's age, carrying a bunch of bags followed by many workers. Castiel faintly heard his mother whisper, 'new money', to her father. Ah yes... he had heard talk of her. Ellen Harvelle. She had received a large amount of money when the oil company her deceased husband had invested in struck it rich up-country. But Castiel himself didn't much care for gossip... he didn't see a point in chattering about other people's business when you've got your own to worry about.

Cas idly wondered how long this trip would take... he hoped a long time.... this ship was a ship of dreams to everyone boarding... but to him, it was like a slave ship, dragging him back to his fate in chains, kicking and screaming like nothing of the well brought up young man he was.

He supposed he was just being dramatic.

Over at a dockside fisherman's bar, two young men were playing cards with two others. They had a wad of cash bet, along with the older men's tickets aboard the Titanic.

  
"Don't fold, Sam, don't fold, not yet," Dean whispered, and his brother sighed, looking at his cards with pursed lips.

"Why? It's obvious we've lost, Dean. Dammit, I can't believe you bet all our money."

"It's not like we're swimming in gold, does it really make a difference?"

The older men stared at them smugly across the table as Sam looked at him. "Yes. You're so reckless!"

"Yeah, yeah. Watch this," the older brother grinned, and laid down his cards.

  
"Yahtzee! Full house, boys!" he near shouted, standing up. Sam's eyes nearly popped, and he huffed a disbelieving laugh as Dean beamed at him.

"You son of a bitch," Sam muttered, smiling, "You win every damn game you play!"

Dean smirked. "What can I say? I'm a master."

The two others, whose names were Alastair and Gordon, both turned to each other angrily. "I told you not to bet the tickets! You idiot!!"

"I thought you said put everything in, Al, think before you run your mouth next time!"

"Next time, I'll murder you before I let you play our stuff!"

Dean winced as he watched them fight, though not too apologetically. "Just gonna... take these..." he murmured, scooping the tickets and the cash into a bag he was carrying. He turned to Sam and left the two squabbling and blaming each other for their loss as they celebrated.

"We're goin' home, Sammy!" Dean grinned, pulling on Sam's collar.

"Ha! We're going home!!" Sam grinned, and looked at the clock, "When does this thing leave?" The bartender and owner of the place, Bobby Singer, answered for them.

"In five minutes!" he called, smiling at them, "Have a good trip, boys!"

They ran out of the bar, still laughing out of pure excitement and adrenaline, and just made it on, flashing their lower-class tickets. They grinned and found their way down, flopping on the small, narrow beds.

Dean looked at the bland white ceiling of the room. "Going home..." he mumbled, smiling as he put his hands behind his head.

-0-0-0-

Up two floors, Cas was taking out some paintings that they had bought while in Paris, and the servants were hanging them up for him.

"My god, what a waste of money," Balthazar chuckled from the sitting room, and Cas felt his cheeks heat up.

"I like them. They're beautiful." Balthazar shrugged, and picked up a glass of fine whiskey.

"The life of an artist amounts to nothing, Cassie. They just rely on schmucks like you who buy their nonsense." Cas said nothing, and went back to admiring a painting being hung over the mantle. Looking at it made him feel like he was in a different world.

Soon, night came about, and before everyone knew it, they were on their second day out at sea. They were now far from land, out in the open ocean. It was beautiful.  
Captain Gabriel Shurley stared out to see the gentle waves of the ocean rolling over the sides of the ship.

One of the two watchman joined him, and they looked out some more. "This ship is a masterpiece," the watchman said, in awe of how fast they were going, and so smoothly to boot. Gabriel turned to him.

"Well, we won't know until we really try. Fire her up, Adam- let's test this baby's sea-legs out."

From down on the observation deck, Dean stood with his brother, looking out at the endless blue. "This is unbelievable," Sam said, and Dean agreed, squinting as he felt a little mist hit his face.

In that moment, he felt immortal, standing at the front of this ship, barrelling toward a new life, a different adventure, with his brother by his side and endless possibilities ahead of him. He got up on the ropes, and extended his arms. If he was to slip, he would fall overboard, but he was too happy to care right then.

"I'M THE KING OF THE FRIGGIN’ WORLD!!" he shouted with a laugh, really feeling like it, and Sam pumped his fist, hollering along with Dean. The two stood there, taking in the scenery with huge smiles.

A little bit later in the day, Dean was sitting and sketching by himself on the observation deck. The breeze was nice, and there were lots of people out; therefore, lots of people to sketch.

He sat in dead concentration, letting the short, stub of a pencil glide over the rough paper against his knee as he watched an old man lift up a young girl to look over the rail at the passing water. He traced the outlines of them, adding in the shadowing, the intricate features... sometimes, Dean just liked to capture life on paper.

At the same time, in the dining hall, Castiel and the two families were having luncheon with some important crew members. Cas had tuned himself out of the conversation long before they had gotten into the mechanics of the actual thing, else he die of boredom.

Cas fiddled with his spoon a little as the rest talked.

“Magnificent ship,” Cain was saying, “Well built.”

“I assume with your expertise and undying intelligence, you came up with the name, Mr. Armstrong?” Bela asked, flashing him a charming smile as she eyed Merv. Cas tried not to roll his eyes at her pointless flirting.

Just then, the waiter came by. “Is everything alright?” he smiled. Bela looked up at him, opening her mouth.

"Um, actually, the soup is a little cold, to be honest." Castiel actually looked up at this in disbelief.

"Um... forgive me, ma'am, th-the menu does declare it to be ‘chilled leek.’" Bela pursed her lips.

"Yes, well, I want something else. You should include a description of the dish or something," she sniffed, and looked at the waiter expectantly. "What are you waiting for, a tip?" The waiter quickly took the bowl.

"No ma'am. My apologies." She nodded, semi-satisfied.

Cas really couldn’t remember why she was even with them on this trip. She was nothing but a bitchy society girl, an exaggerated version of his own mother, really.

“Enjoying the voyage so far, Castiel?” Merv asked, haughtily smiling. Cas looked up from his thoughts. He had forgotten just who exactly he was, but he now guessed that he had had some input on building it too.

“Well, we’ve only been out at sea for two days,” Cas said matter-of-factly, “I really haven’t had the time to properly form an opinion.” Everyone was quiet, and Colette frowned at him.

“Castiel, how rude! You know I don’t like bad manners.”

Cas looked at her. “I’m simply answering truthfully, mother.” Balthazar raised his eyebrow.

“What’s gotten into you?” Cas looked at him, then between the others, and sighed.

"I'm going to... get some air," he said, getting up. Balthazar caught his wrist.

"But you haven't finished your soup, darling! Is everything alright?" Cas jerked his wrist away quickly, and he could see a flicker of displease in his fiancé’s face.

"I just... I'm feeling a little warm, that's all. Don't worry about me," he muttered reassuringly, and he could hear the inevitable murmurs of talk after he had left.

He went out to the deck, where he closed his eyes and revelled in the cool wind blowing his black hair every which way. It reminded him that not everything in his life was so orderly and tightly kept- that if his hair could blow so freely, then maybe, he could too one day. What a silly thought.

He gripped the railings, and stared out, squinting into the distance.

From his seat on the bench below, Dean's eyes wandered around as he finished up his first sketch...anyone else art-worthy?

Then his eyes lay to rest on the most beautiful man he had ever seen in his life.

Behind the railing stood a man in a navy and white suit, his hair that Dean guessed had previously been coiffed now askew. He laughed to himself. He just looked like someone who searched for freedom, but couldn’t find it.

“Who’re you drawing?” his brother suddenly asked, appearing behind him. Dean didn’t, couldn’t, snap his eyes away from the mysterious stranger.

“Don’t know.”

Sam followed Dean’s gaze as he began to sketch. “That guy?” he scoffed, noticing the look on Dean’s face. “Man, if you think you’re getting anywhere with him, just look at his clothes and you’ll have your answer.”

Dean only broke his gaze to glare at his brother. “Sam, please,” he grumbled. He continued to stare, when suddenly, the man turned, looking over in Dean’s direction.  
Cas’ breath caught as he saw a man looking back at him from down below. He was young, about the same age as himself, had short dirty blonde hair and the greenest eyes. His lips were full and rosy, and he had a jaw line that could crack a chestnut.

He thought he saw a smile from the guy, and he turned away quickly, feeling his heart pound and his cheeks flush. Then he gradually turned back timidly… to meet those eyes again.

Dean’s breath was stolen right from his lungs. The two of them were pretty far apart, but he could see the blue orbs which were this guy’s eyes. From what he could see from where he was sitting, his lips were thin and pink, and his cheekbones were perfectly sculpted.

“Damn,” he muttered to himself, quirking his lips up a little more.

Then, he found his heart falling as a blonde man came out of the door up there, and took the stranger by the arm. The stranger squirmed out of his grip, and with one last reluctant look out to sea, he followed him back in.

Dean let out a breath.


	3. Chapter 3

Cas watched the people around him- he could hear mindless chatter, see the forced smiles, and noticed how everyone walked a certain way, talked a certain way.

And then he saw his whole life flash before his eyes as if he had already lived it; he saw himself at parties like these, playing the cordial husband to wealthy Balthazar and his family, with his mother's false pride and father's boasting to his friends that his son married into even more money than he had.

It made him sick, to think that none of these people would ever look further into him past his handsome looks and proper manners. He would never mean anymore to them than another faceless hand to shake or cheek to peck.

He couldn't live like that- he needed meaning, and he saw now that giving his planned life meaning was hopeless.

His polished black shoes hit the floor, smacking as he ran, and soon, they hit the wood of the deck outside. It was night, the stars shining brightly overhead, stars that Cas had always looked at while dreaming. Now, it was as if they were laughing at him, reinforcing the fact that he would never be happy.

He could feel tears gathering in his eyes, and he let his waistcoat fly open as he made it to the front of the ship. He watched the water churn below him, frightening, yet oddly inviting...

Dean was lying on a bench, one leg strung over the side. He took a deep, languid pull on the cigarette he had just lit, watching intently as he opened his mouth and let the smoke drift from his parted lips skyward.

The bright stars momentarily blurred, then as the wind from the sea helped the smoke dissipate, they sharpened again into Dean's sight. Sam wasn't with him, said he had found a pretty girl he wanted to spend some time with, so he was left alone for some peace.

He closed his eyes contentedly, and was about to take another pull, when he heard a low whimpering sound coming from his left.

He opened his eyes again, and turned his head, to find the handsome rich guy from earlier standing at the front of the ship. Dean knit his eyebrows a little, wondering if the man was crying, and if he was, what for.

He heard a few gentle, choked sobs, and he un-slung his leg into a sitting position. He wasn't sure if he should approach him, or if he just wanted to be alone... or maybe away from that blond man from earlier...

Then, without warning, the man got up on the railings and grasped the rope precariously, climbing over the rails, and he'd be damned if that wasn't a suicide attempt in itself.  
Dean's eyes widened, panic shooting through him for no particular reason, and his brow creased. "Hey!" Dean called sharply, and stood up, biting the cigarette between his teeth as he ran over to him.

The man's head jerked back to look at him, and then faced forward again. "S-Stay back!" he stuttered, holding onto the ropes. Dean walked a little closer, and the man said, "Stay back, or... or I swear I'll let go!"

Dean stilled. "What the hell are you doing?!" he asked, and the man huffed.

"What does it look like?" Dean took the smoke out from his lips, and licked over them cautiously.

"Uh, right... well, um... that's not a very good idea." The man seemed incredulous.

"Why exactly not?!"

Dean opened his mouth. "The water's really cold." The man squinted back at him.

"You think I don't know that?!" he snapped. Dean put his hands up.

"Sorry... but... I mean, I've been in water that cold before... not a fun experience, pal."

The man seemed to tense, so Dean went on, hoping to discourage him. "Yeah, it feels kind of like... a thousand knives stabbing you at once... and it'd take a good solid time to die, lemme tell ya, slowly freezing as every part of your body stops working." The man breathed out, and Dean swallowed, trying to remain calm and not move.

"You ever smoked before?"

"What?"

"Smoked, like... when you light-"

"I know what smoking is," the man bit, sighing, "And no, I have not, it's a filthy habit." Dean shrugged.

"I guess... but it's relaxing."

"What's your point?"

"I don't know, it just seems like there's a lot of things you haven't tried."

"Wha- how the hell would you know?"

"I don't, I just-"

"You're distracting me," the guy grumbled, "Leave me alone. Pretend I'm not here or something." Dean actually chuckled at this.

"Pretend you're not here? Yeah, nothing goin' on over here, just a really attractive guy hanging off the back of a ship, waiting to fall to his death." Cas' surprised eyes met Dean's at the adjective 'attractive' that he used, and Dean smiled a little, adding in a softer tone, "Sure...I'll just ignore him."

Cas' mouth twitched upward a little, and Dean made a slow movement forward. "I'm Dean Winchester." The man gulped.

"C-Castiel Novak."

"Weird name..." Dean mumbled, "I like it." Cas didn't know whether to feel offended or flattered, so he just kept hanging there silently.

Dean flicked his shortened butt over the side into the water, and slowly, carefully offered his hand out to the unstable man. "Come on... take my hand." Cas stared at it, and a tear rolled down his cheek.

"Why should I?" Dean racked his brain. He hadn't been prepared for a counter.

"Because... buuhh....because I won't let go."

"...Really?"

"Never," Dean decided, "I'm involved in this now... it's my obligation to rescue you."

"What makes you think I need rescuing?" Castiel asked. A glance to the railing and the water below with a raised eyebrow from Dean answered this.

Cas bit his lip, seeing Dean's point, and gingerly placed his hand in the other's. His own hand was soft and delicate in contrast to Dean's rough, strong hand, the latter obviously having done so much more in life. Cas noticed a little bit of led staining on the side of his palm.

"Okay..." Dean mumbled, "Just put your foot here... alright... easy now..." He moved Cas to face him, determined to get him over safe, and Cas smiled a little, before his foot suddenly slipped on his coattail.

"DEAN!!" he cried, and Dean gripped his forearm, his eyes widening as Cas dangled, suspended.

"Hold on!" Dean said, grimacing as he pulled.

"AHHH!!! SOMEBODY HELP!!" Cas shouted in desperation, staring down at the ferocious waves below him as his palms sweat. Now he questioned why he ever thought of falling into that.

"Pull up... come on, you can do it, pull yourself up!" Dean said, and Cas nodded, grabbing onto the railing and pulling. Dean pulled with all his might, and finally, they toppled over onto the deck...

...And fell one on top of the other, Dean staring down into Cas' sparkling blue eyes. Cas could now see from their close proximity that Dean had a small spattering of freckles. He lifted his eyebrows a little at the man on top of him, and Dean was suddenly speechless, stuttering a little.

Just then, they heard a loud, "Oi!" and looked up.

It was Uri and Adam, workers, and they stopped as they regarded their positions on the ground. Dean's eyes slid shut, realizing all too late what it must look like.  
"UP!" Uri shouted, his face contorting with anger, and Dean put his hands up, shaking his head as he was roughly pulled to his feet.

-0-0-0-

"What possessed you to think you could ever touch my Castiel?!" Balthazar snapped in Dean's face, pacing in front of him as Adam clamped cuffs on him. Dean sighed, and Balthazar went on. "Answer me, you filth, how dare you attempt to so forcibly spoil my fiancé and lay hands-!"

"Balthazar!" Cas' voice cut in, and he came over from where the ship's engineer, Ezekiel, was wrapping him in a blanket. "Stop. It was an accident."

"An accident! Ha... Cassie, I'm afraid I find that hard to believe, he was practically on top of you-"

"He saved me," Cas interjected quickly, and his eyes found Dean's, "I was... um... I was looking over the edge, trying to see if there were any...dolphins out," he said, and Dean frowned at him, silently mouthing, 'dolphins?' Cas sighed. "Dolphins, that I may be able to see. Provided, of course, the starlight was enough to see them... er, anyway... I slipped, and fell over the side. If Dean hadn't been there... well..."

"Dolphins," Balthazar murmured, shaking his head, "All for dolphins? God."

"So- the boy is a hero," Ezekiel smiled, "Good. Everything's right." Balthazar's glare softened, though not very much as he was still bitter Dean so much as touched Cas, and he took Cas' arm, beginning to walk away.

"Wait... is that all the thanks he gets for saving me?" Cas asked, and Balthazar turned, pursing his lips.

"Will a little cash do, O Valiant Hero?" He smirked at his own humour, and Cas clenched his jaw.

"Really, is that all my life is worth to you?"

Balthazar sighed, and turned back to Dean. "Fine...how about you join us for dinner tomorrow night, in the dining hall. Would that suit you?" Dean stood there for a second.

“Uh…sure,” was all he could muster.

Balthazar nodded curtly, and Cas glanced over his shoulder at Dean for a split second before they walked away.

Dean watched him go, compelled.

-0-0-0-

Cas sat in the boudoir, looking at the mirror. He ran a few fingers through his hair, and brushed it to the side a little. And brushed it to the other side instead. Then held his head in his hands, just forgetting about fixing how he looked.

He suddenly heard the door open, and heard Balthazar's voice. "Cas?....Cassie, I can tell something's going on with you... can I come in?"

Cas opened his mouth. He really just wanted to be alone at the moment- but Balthazar didn't wait for an answer. He came in, and shut the door behind him.

Cas sighed, and Balthazar sat down beside him. "I got you something to lighten your mood... think of it as a pre-wedding gift." Cas looked up from his hands, and saw that Balthazar was holding a small box. His stomach churned as he suddenly remembered that he would one day be in wedlock with this man.

He felt a little dizzy, almost unconsciously accepting the gift as if it were protocol. He opened it, and took out a necklace, black string with what looked like a solid gold amulet.  
"I'm told it's very exotic, it means something like strength and emotional intimacy... extremely valuable, expensive as well, but I... well, I couldn't resist. I just thought you deserve the best," he said, giving that side smirk.

Cas looked at him. He thought the necklace was truly beautiful... and he didn't doubt it cost a hefty amount. Balthazar was obviously attempting to buy his love, or possibly even his obedience, but he, nonetheless, felt very grateful.

"Thank you so much... it's beautiful," Cas said, his smile present but his eyes dull and unexpressive. Balthazar nodded.

"Glad you like it. Here, I'll put it on you." He draped the pendant over Cas' head and around front, connecting it again around the back of his neck. "Suits you, love."

Cas nodded again, staring at his reflection. His hand deftly touched the gold amulet, his fingers running over the smooth object at the end.

Balthazar got up, but before he left, he stopped, turning. "You know... I wouldn't deny you anything.... I could give you everything. Anything you want, I could give it to you in a snap. You will warm up to me, Cassie."

And then he left Cas to stare at his reflection some more in the orange glow of the dim lamp, comparing the gold of the pendant to the gold of Dean's hair.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day, Cas left before anybody had the chance to notice he was gone. Of course, if he was found out at any point or seen by a family member or, god forbid, Balthazar, he had his quick, generic excuses waiting: " _I wanted to watch the water_ ," or " _I was looking for the ship's library_."

But what he was really doing, was looking for Dean. He couldn't get the memory of his eyes staring down into his own out of his mind, and he had been thinking in nothing but that shade of green since last night. He would go mad if he didn't find him to simply say thank you.

And that's all we was going to do... thank him.

He held his bowler hat on his head, protecting it from the wind's intent to blow it off to sea. He peered around corners of the deck, trying not to look to conspicuously curious about anything.

"Castiel?"

At first, he thought it was a crewman. "I-I'm just looking for the library," he muttered as he turned, and suddenly, he was face to face with exactly who he was looking for.

  
"The library?" Dean repeated, smirking, "Well, I'm no expert, but I don't think it's on the outdoor deck."

Cas blushed, and looked down. "Um... my intentions may not be honest ones. I actually came looking for you-"

"That so?" Dean grinned, and Cas felt his ears heat up.

"Y-yes. I wanted to thank you myself for saving my life."

Dean nodded, and it was as if a small star was twinkling in his eye. "Like I said... I'm obligated." Cas smiled, then he bit his lip.

"Can we... I mean... would you.... like to take a walk?"

Dean was surprised to say the least, as he thought the only other time he would ever get to see Castiel again is at the dinner he had been invited to that night, but he was happy to accept, obviously. "Yeah."

So they started walking, and Cas asked a few questions. Dean ended up talking about how him and Sam grew up in Kansas, then after his parents had died, he and Sam had hopped town, first road tripping around America and living off what little money his parents had left as well as cash he could scrape up from poker, then as time went on and they had enough saved up, they spent their savings on tickets to Europe, leaving behind everything they had known.

"But hey," Dean was shrugging, "If you don't take risks, you just don't live life properly, I say." Cas watched him intently, taking this in mind. His life was the complete opposite of everything Dean had just described... but he was sure Dean knew that already.

"I'm sure you're wondering about last night," Cas said quietly, squinting out at the ocean, "You're probably thinking, poor little rich boy, he's got life so hard..." Dean licked over his lips, stopping the walk.

"Nah... I was thinkin' more along the lines of, what the hell could've happened to make you want to do something like that?"

Cas exhaled, and clenched his jaw. "It's just that..." he let out a huff of frustration, "My whole life is one big... trap, I just can't get out of it! I'm supposed to marry this man-"

"Balthazar," Dean filled in, remembering the name of the blonde man who was so possessive of Cas last night. Cas looked at him.

"Yes, Balthazar. He proposed, and I obviously said yes, because if I hadn't, it would have been a damn catastrophe, and there's going to be hundreds of people at our wedding, all society people, most of whom I don't even know or remotely care about, and... and I..."

He stopped short as he realized he had been rambling, but when he looked back at Dean, he saw the other man listening, looking genuinely interested. He sighed, shaking his head. "I can't get out of the trap. I just... wanted a way out." He straightened his suit, remembering his composure. "But, I came to my senses after you so bravely saved me, so I am forever in your debt-"

"Do you love him?"

Cas paused. What? "Pardon me?"

"Do you love him?"

Castiel was taken aback. He had never really thought about it, in fact, the single thought had never even entered his mind. But for Dean to be asking that... he realized he had been sharing too much with someone he hardly even knew.

"I should think that's none of your business at all," Cas frowned. Dean raised an eyebrow.

"It's a simple question- do ya?"

"Wha- I won't answer that! And I certainly won't to you! Gracious, you're presumptuous... and uncouth... and... and..." Dean smirked as he watched how determined Cas was to find an insult, "And rude!"

Dean crossed his arms, smiling. This only enraged Cas more. "What kind of silly question is that? Do I love him..." Dean looked at him.

"Well, you just told me all that about feeling trapped, I thought you needed some advice or something."

Cas frowned again. "To think that I would need advice from someone like you is overstepping your boundaries."

"Oh, so there're boundaries now?"

"Yes, and you've crossed them."

"Mm-hmm." Dean held his amused smile.

Cas stuttered, avoiding eye-contact. "Look, I just wanted to thank you. That's it. Now that I have done that, I'm going to leave." He turned before Dean could say anything else, and started walking away. Until he turned back.

"Wait... hold on! This upper deck section is technically my part of the ship, so it should be you who leaves."

"Me?"

"Yes." Dean continued to wear his usual smirk.

"Now you're being rude." Cas let out an endearing growl, and suddenly grabbed the large book Dean was holding.

"What is this thing? You've been carrying it around the whole time, and it has peaked my curiosity."

He sat down on a nearby bench, and opened it. "Oh... uh... these are..." He cleared his throat. They were really good...

"Dean... I didn't know you were an artist... or such a good artist, at that!" he said, shedding all of his previous upset quickly. Dean sat beside him, leaning over.

"Well, saying I'm an artist is a bit of a stretch," he laughed, his eyes crinkling, "I just like to sketch, that's all. Never pays, though."

Cas traced his fingertips along the pages, staring in admiration down at them. Now the led staining he had noticed on Dean's palms made sense.

Then Cas flipped to a new page, and his eyes widened. "Who's that?" he asked, pointing to a woman that Dean had drawn naked. Dean smiled a little.

"Her name's Carmelita. She's Spanish, a prostitute I met down in Paris. Crazy, huh?"

Cas looked down again, flipping the page. "You must like her a lot... you have lots of drawings of her."

"Yeah, but it was only really her hair I liked to draw." Cas was silent for a second, and then he asked, "Did you sleep with her?"

Dean stared at Cas. "Now who's the one asking rude questions?" Cas stumbled over his words, suddenly realizing what he had asked and that he had done it out loud.

"I'm so sorry... god, that was inexcusable of me, I don't know why I asked that. I'm-" Dean laughed.

"Cas, Cas, relax. I'm messing with you, I'm not one of your society friends. Besides, I don't even know you, remember? So you can ask stuff like that."

Castiel was dumbfounded at how easily the shortened version of his name had just flowed from Dean's mouth as if he had been using it for years. He shivered.

Dean looked down to his book. "No, we didn't. She was just easy to talk to, you know? Had a good sense of humour and a friendly face. Sometimes that's all somebody needs." Cas watched Dean, and Dean looked over at him, meeting his eyes."You would be perfect for drawing, you know."

Cas smiled a little, looking out again at the open sea beyond. "I would?"

"Yeah."

"But I'm not very interesting... I don't have a particularly notable sense of humour... why would you want to?"

"Because I like you," Dean answered, and Cas' heart stopped for a second. He looked at Dean.

"You...?"

"I think you're stunning," Dean said, not averting his eyes or even blinking.

Castiel's smile disappeared.

In the tea room, Captain Shurley was talking to the first mate, who happened to be Merv.

"So," Merv was saying, "I see you haven't been utilizing the full speed of the ship." Gabriel looked up from his chocolate sundae.

"Well, Titanic's making excellent time. I really don't see the need to push her any faster, you know?"

Merv shrugged, looking down to the paper he was studying. It was a look that was meant to keep his feelings to himself that all the while radiated his own opinion.

"Well... this is your first voyage, Captain. Just think of how impressive it would be to make it a day early into New York." Gabriel looked up.

"I just..." he sighed, "I don't want to push her past her limits."

"Limits?!" Merv chuckled, "This ship? Limits? Come on now. They would see you as a legend, Gabe."

Gabriel swirled his sweet dessert around, thinking about it.

-0-0-0-

The sun was setting as Cas and Dean continued to talk on deck, now standing by the side railings. "I wish I could live like you," Cas mumbled, "Just do whatever I want... whenever I want... Dean?" he turned to face him, a slight smile quirking at his lips, "Tell me we'll go to the beach one day. You and me. Just for the fun of it, I want to pretend it's real."

Dean studied Cas curiously, then grinned. "We'll do it. We'll just sit out, drink whiskey from brown paper bags like real men, and maybe, we'll even ride the roller coaster they have on the pier until we throw up."

Cas laughed for the first time, and the dirty-blond sucked his breath in, loving the sound of his laugh and the way Cas' face scrunched up pleasantly when he looked this happy.  
Cas spoke up again. "I want you to teach me how to be a real man. I want to know how to ride a horse like a man. I want to drink whiskey like a man. I want to... I want to learn how to smoke like a man!"

Dean raised his eyebrows. "I thought it was a filthy habit," he reminded playfully, and Cas laughed again, feeling stupidly reckless.

"I don't care... I just want to know what it's like. I want to try."

Dean gave a lopsided grin, and reached into his back pocket for something. "Alright," he said, pulling out a thin white cylinder and a box of matches, "Here's how you do it." He struck the match on his boot, and brought it to the end of the cigarette, inhaling. Then he passed it to Cas, who took it, doing as Dean had done.

He inhaled, then halfway through a breath, he began to cough hysterically. Dean nearly bust a gut laughing, and Cas glared at him. "I can get this!"

"Ha! I'm sure you can."

"Watch me," Cas said, and tried another inhale, this time able to keep it in fairly well. His face contorted, and he exhaled, this time giving a few short sputters.

Dean couldn't hold back his smile. "Eh... better. Needs work."

"This tastes disgusting!"

"You get used to it."

"I could never get used to this..." "I told you you couldn't handle it." Cas opened his mouth, then closed it indignantly. Then he took another drag, and gave Dean a smug look as he held his breath.

Dean nodded. "Not bad, not bad."

Just then, they heard a voice behind them. "Castiel?"

Cas whipped around to find his mother, then he turned back sea-ward, quickly choking out the smoke he had filled his lungs with, hoping the wind would carry it before Colette would have a chance to see what he had been doing. From behind his back, Dean swiftly and stealthily stole the cigarette back and tossed it, allowing Cas to step forward.

"Mother... hello," he replied in a scratchy voice, "May I introduce you to Dean Winchester?"

"Charmed, I'm sure," she replied slowly, gazing over at Dean, who nodded at her cordially. She narrowed her eyes at him, then looked back to Castiel. "Dinner will be soon, I suppose." Cas nodded, and coughed twice into his hand.

"Sounds lovely."

She kept her eyes narrowed, then turned around again, walking away to the other side of the deck.

Cas breathed out, and Dean slapped his shoulder. "That was priceless!"

"Do you think she could smell it?"

"What does it matter, you're a grown man!"

"She doesn't like cigarette smoke."

"What, is she gonna disown you?"

"Well, I presume not, not for that at least-"

"Then you've got nothing to worry about, do you?"

Cas met Dean's eyes again, and they looked at each other.

-0-0-0-

"I don't want you seeing that boy anymore, Castiel," Colette said in a low, barely tolerant voice as she fixed his bow tie. Cas frowned.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard what I said. This Dean Winchester- he's nothing but scum. May as well be dirt scraped off the bottom of this ship to people like us, Castiel!"

Cas' mouth hung open in incredulity. "Dean is a brave, smart man!"

"Smart?" Colette scoffed, doing up his buttons, "Did he go to school? Hm? Where you did, to the best institution in the country? I'm sure he's very smart." Cas sighed.

"He's smart in different ways... he... understands people... I can't put it to words."

Colette went back to his collar, where she was being unnecessarily aggressive with his folding. "The way you talk about him is inappropriate. Listen to yourself, it's disgraceful. Balthazar has offered us a wealthy life-"

"Us! Exactly, _us_. This is more about you then it is me, you know that, Mother?! It's always been! I can do as I damn well please, and if you don't like it, th-"

His sentence was cut off by Colette sitting him down sharply in the chair by the mirror. "You listen to me," she bit, staring him dead in the eyes, "You are engaged. Do you want to see me become a poor, destitute maid? Would it delight you to see your father in a workhouse?!" Cas stayed quiet, avoiding eye contact.

"I thought not," Colette said, folding her arms, "So behave yourself. Remember your place... and remember his."

Cas stayed silent, feeling tears of anger prick at his eyes. Everything about this was far from fair. But something deep inside himself told him he wouldn't heed what his mother had told him... or at least, part of him hoped he wouldn't.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean hadn't seen Cas in a few days. 

He had wondered if he just couldn't find him- if he would be up on the deck one day and see the guy wandering around pretending not to look for him. He smiled, then frowned as he noticed that he actually missed the feeling of being around him. No, there had to be some other reason... 

He would try and find him himself.

It was Sunday... there had to be some kind of Sunday service. Cas would surely be there, and he could find him and ask him how bad his hangover was the day after that night- if Cas even knew what a hangover was. 

He wandered around until he came to a room off the west side of the deck, leading into a large area with painted white walls and bleached wooden floors. He whistled low as he gazed around. These places were sure classy!

He hurried down a few steps, and came across a double door, guarded by a worker. He smiled in relief as he heard a choral song being sung inside the doors- he was right about the service thing.

"Hi," he said to the guy, "I'm Dean Winchester, you remember me from last night? I'm here to see someone." The guy looked at him. "I'm afraid I don't recognize you." 

Dean frowned, and laughed a little. "Wha- what do you mean? I was just here last night!" "I'm sorry, but I don't know what you're talking about." 

Dean scoffed. "Look, this is real important, so if you don't mind-" "I'm going to have to ask you to leave-" "You lay a hand on me, chuckles, I swear-!" 

From inside the doors, Zachariah was witnessing the skirmish, and with a glance to Castiel to make sure he hadn't noticed Dean as well, he excused himself. 

"Why is this cad here?" Zach asked, raising his eyebrows expectantly at the doorman. "I was telling him to leave sir." "Good. Go back to where you belong," he said. Dean frowned at him, opening his mouth. "You! You remember me. You've got to!" 

Zach stared him dead in the eyes, and got so close to him that Dean was a little caught off guard. "You listen to me, boy- stay away from Castiel Novak. He is so much more than you will ever be. You think you would have a chance with someone like him, you simpering wad of distaste and dirt? And after the little stunt you pulled last night, your interaction with him is over."

Dean nodded a little, crossing his arms. "So. You're their henchman, huh? Their spy? Well, tell me somethin'- when you were spying on him last night, did you see how happy he looked? Does he look that happy sitting with you bunch?"

Zachariah glared at him, and turned, muttering, "Get rid of him." 

The doorman took Dean by the arm. 

"Wait! I gotta talk to him... please!" he called desperately, but the doorman just tightened his grip, escorting him out. Dean could have fought back, but there was no use creating a public disturbance... and with the sinking feeling crushing him from the inside, he wouldn't have stood a chance.

From inside, Cas was seeing the words on the booklet in front of him, and he could hear the tune coming from his mouth in the form of those words, but he was entirely distracted. He kept thinking about Dean, and how much the whole situation was scaring him.

Never before had he felt so open, so free to be whoever he wanted to without thinking of manners or propriety. And this scared him to no end, that sensation of having complete control over what he was doing, for he had never really experienced it before. 

He stopped singing for a moment to bite his lip in frustration. Why did he like the feeling then? 

His eyes slid shut, but that only made matters worse because whenever he did, it allowed his mind's eye to picture Dean's lopsided grin, or his stupidly attractive golden hair blowing into his green eyes. 

He deflated, and felt his hands tremble as he thought next of Balthazar's reaction to his actions. Now that was frightening. And Cas was beginning to think that risking the security he had in his life was foolish, because he may never get it back if he threw his life away on some whim... on someone so poor. 

Cas fixated his cold glance back to the front of the room, and noticed with curiosity Zachariah meandering back over to his seat behind him with a smug look on his face. He wondered absently what he had missed. 

\----

Dean looked around, jaw set as he felt irritation grow on his cheeks in the form of a red flush. That tubby goon wasn't gonna tell him who he could and couldn't see- he had never lived life by any rules but his own, and he wasn't about to start now. 

He looked out at the sea, trying to formulate a plan. 

Soon, people started filing out of the area he had just been in.

Cas walked by the boats attached to the side of the ship, and turned to Ezekiel, who was walking leisurely with his hands behind his back. Cas admired Ezekiel- he was a man of respect, and honour. He went over.

“Excuse my asking, sir, but judging by the number of the lifeboats in ratio to the capacity of passengers, would it not appear that there aren’t enough for everyone on the ship?”  
Zeke nodded, squinting out. “Indeed. A fair observation- you are smarter than most give you credit for, Castiel,” he smiled, “Yes, you are right… but they would not let me include the proper amount of boats, said it was an eyesore.” 

“They’re already bloody ugly enough, god be thanked there aren’t any more to obstruct the view,” Balthazar scoffed, and Zeke turned back to Cas. “Do not worry yourself, Castiel. I built you a good, solid ship.” Cas smiled, and nodded, comforted. 

Dean suddenly saw who he had been looking for. He was about to rush right after him, then he stopped in his tracks. He looked around, and good luck must have been shining on him, cause someone's abandoned coat and hat had been left there.

He shrugged the black overcoat on, and plunked the hat over his face to hide his eyes. He squeezed his way through people, hearing a few older people mutter at his lack of courtesy. He apologized softly until he finally made it to Cas.

"Hey," he whispered, "Cas." Cas frowned, and looked back, where he saw him. "Dean? You...can't be here!" "Follow me, shhh..." "Dean, I-" "Come on, Cas!"

Cas gave a grumble as Dean guided him through the people to a small room that looked vacant by the indoors of the deck. He shut the door, and grinned, taking the hat off. "Cas, I've been lookin' for you all day! That balding guy told me I had to stay away from you, but he doesn't know how resourceful we are, huh?" he chuckled, punching Cas playfully on the shoulder.

Cas averted his eyes, and immediately Dean knew something was wrong. "Hey, what is it?" Dean asked, stepping forward to comfort, and Cas backed up a little, stuttering. "Dean... Dean, we can't do this anymore... I, can't do this anymore. See you, I mean," he said. Dean's brow creased. "Don't tell me they got to you too? Come on, man, we're just starting to become friends-" 

"But the line is becoming blurry, Dean," Cas cut in, voice breaking and eyes misting a little, "The line between friendship and..." 

He took a breath, refusing to finish the sentence. "Dean, it's impossible. You must know that. I don't know if you're stupid or ignorant or just plain stubborn, I just don't know. And I don't care anymore. Stay away from me. It's better that way."

Dean wanted to stop him, he wanted to cry, he wanted to hit something, he wanted to grip Cas' face and pull him into a kiss to show him just how much he meant to him. But all he did was stand there dumbly. 

"But... but isn't this worth fighting for?" Dean croaked out, voice thinning, "You said yourself, you can't live like that. We... we could get away from all that! I could..." he swallowed, "I could take you places, and we could be together, and nothing would ever matter because we'd have each other."

Cas had to repress the urge to cry out how much he wanted that. But he shocked himself with saying in the coldest way possible, "Leave me alone, Dean Winchester. I have values, and I intend to keep them."

Dean held himself against the wall for support as Cas brushed past him. 

No... this couldn't be happening, no... 

But it was. And now that Castiel Novak had entered Dean's life, how could he ever forget him?

\----

"Dude, why so sulky?" Sam asked, in a tone so nonchalant and teasing that Dean wished his brother knew just what was getting him down. "Mind your own business," was his response, low and gruff and isolated from his bottom bunk. 

Sam stared at him from where he was folding stuff. "Got something to do with that guy... Castiel, was his name? Man, I told you it would end in-" "Look, I don't need your bullshit lectures right now, okay?!" Dean suddenly said, running a hand through his hair, "You're four goddamn years younger than me, I should be the one saying that to you! I knew what the hell I was doing, and for once, I hoped something good would happen..."

He sat up, sighing. "And something good did happen... that's the problem."

\----

Cas sat at the table for dinner. He didn’t have much of an appetite, after the things he had said that afternoon. It made him sick, frankly, to imagine what Dean must think of him now. Maybe he was just some snooty upper-classer, who deserved everything he was getting.

Cas glanced up at Balthazar, who hadn’t talked to him since the incident, and he was looking in the other direction. When he turned and saw Cas looking at him, he gave a small smile, and for a second, Cas imagined it could work.

Maybe it wouldn’t kill him to live a life of luxury. Just think of all the things you’ll have, he thought to himself, you’ll live in a mansion, you’ll be spoiled all the time, and your family will be well off for many years to come… 

He smiled back at Balthazar. 

After dinner, he went over to his fiancée. If he could make things work with him, he would do it now.

“Balthazar… may I talk with you?” “Of course, Cassie,” his fiancée said, as if he hadn't threatened Cas the day before. They went over to a lounge sofa, and Cas took his hand as a gesture of solidarity. “I was wrong for leaving you like that last night. It’s not what a proper husband should do, and I apologize.” 

Then he leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.... and Cas was astounded at how wrong this kiss, even so chaste, felt.

Balthazar nodded, pulling away after a moment. “Well, with an apology like that, I suppose I must accept,” he chuckled, and Cas feigned a smile too. 

Then Cas leaned in again, and decided to fulfill what he had always wanted to try. Maybe this all wouldn’t be so bad. 

He went for Balthazar’s lips, and just as he was about to connect them, his fiancée jerked away. “Are you mad?” the British man hissed, “With so many people watching, you would display such an act for the public to see like a common whore?” 

Cas felt his cheeks blush red, and he pulled back, rubbing his neck. “I…” “Cas,” Balthazar said softly, rubbing circles in his palm, “We’ll have plenty of time for all of that on our wedding night, hm?” Then he planted a kiss on Castiel’s hand, and Cas felt a little woozy- and not in the good way.

In that moment, as he imagined being in bed with Balthazar, making passionless love with Balthazar, and repeating that for the rest of his life as a simple routine, he felt he would throw up.

And in that same moment he knew that he had to find Dean before it was too late. 

\----

Dean stood, leaning against the rails at the front of the ship where he had stood with his brother at the start of the voyage. He had felt so endless then. He took a pull on the cigarette he was smoking, but he wasn’t enjoying the smoke as much as he usually would. Now it just reminded him of Cas. 

He flicked the butt over the rails, watching it fall to the ocean below as he exhaled through his nose. That’s when he heard it. 

“Dean?” 

Dean turned in surprise; he recognized who it was. 

“Cas?” he asked, turning fully, “What’re you doing here, man?” 

Cas scuffed his foot a little. “I told you I can’t see you anymore… and it hasn’t even been a full day, and I’ve already realized I can’t live without you.” 

Dean’s eyes widened, and he let out a huff of disbelief accompanied by a smile. “You know by coming back... you're sayin' you want things to go further.... so you sure?” he asked gently. Cas tapped his foot impatiently, rolling his eyes in the most endearing manner of irritancy. “Do you think I would be here now talking to you if I wasn’t, Dean?”   
Dean chuckled a little, reaching forward to take Cas’ hand. “I guess not.” 

Cas felt the warm sensation of Dean’s hand in his, and smiled, rubbing his left arm. It just felt so right.

“So… can we… see each other tomorrow? In the, um, evening? Evenings are nice...” “Where?” Dean asked. “Out here… right here, at the front of the ship… it’s beautiful.”   
Dean nodded. “Anything, angel.” Cas was slightly surprised by the name Dean called him, but the way it rolled off of his tongue gave him shivers of gratification. “Sorry,” Dean laughed, noticing Cas’ reaction, “Name just fit.” “No, it’s okay,” Cas said bashfully, looking away, “I like it.”

“Hey,” Dean said, and Cas looked up. “See you tomorrow night, huh?” Cas nodded, sure of himself and what he wanted. “Yes… until then, Dean.”

\----

Sam was bewildered, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Wow… who knew nicotine could cure a broken heart?” 

Dean frowned. “Huh?”

“Dean, you astound me- you looked like you were about to cry your friggin' eyes out, and you go out for a smoke, and now you look like you struck it gold on the railroad or something!” Dean grinned. “Oh, yeah. Well, things are lookin’ up, Sammy.” 

Sam shook his head. “I thought you learned your lesson, Dean.” Dean stared at him in a challenge, and Sam smirked slightly. “But, you wouldn’t be my brother if you had. I’m happy for you. Really.” 

Dean smiled, looking down. “Thanks."

There was a silence. 

"Hey Dean?" "Yeah, Sam?" "Thanks for keeping me alive all these years... without you, we'd probably be some results of bad foster parents... and we wouldn't know each other anymore. You were right- I shouldn't be telling you what to do. I've got no right to. You're my big brother...and there's nothing I wouldn't do for you, man."

Dean looked up at Sam. "Where'd all this sap come from, bitch?" Sam rolled his eyes, tossing a sock at him. "You jerk, I was trying to say I'm sorry." "Yeah, well, I've gotta forgive you, you're my pain in the ass little brother." Sam laughed.

"What’s been going on with that pretty little blonde, Jess?” Dean asked, rolling over. Now it was Sam’s turn to blush. “We’ve, uh, actually got a date tomorrow.” “Good on ya. Guess love is in the air tomorrow night.” Sam quirked his head a little, and Dean just closed his eyes, settling into a happy sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day couldn’t go by quickly enough.

Everyone on the ship seemed to be having a splendid day- Captain Shurley had announced that he was putting the ship to her full power, hoping to get home a day earlier and make headlines. 

When late afternoon set in, most of the people Cas knew retired either to bed or to dinner, and he told his mother and father that he wasn’t feeling very well, that he was retiring to his own bed. 

The sun was setting in a pretty glow as Cas hugged his white suit jacket tighter to himself as the cooling air blew past him. He squinted out, and waited by the front of the ship. He turned again, and soon, he saw Dean walking toward him, dressed in a simple white button up and brown pants with undone black boots. His hair was unruly as usual, and Castiel gripped the rails tighter as Dean neared. 

“Do you give lessons?” Dean asked as he came up, and Cas frowned. “What?” “Cause I forgot how to breathe,” Dean finished with a laugh, and Cas laughed along with him, blue eyes twinkling. “Dean, it’s so beautiful tonight,” he mused, turning to the ocean view. 

“Not as beautiful as you, though,” he heard from behind him. Dean could now put any reservations aside- Cas had told him how he felt openly, and he knew how he felt, so no more beating around the bush. 

Cas gasped sharply as he felt strong hands rest on his hips from behind. “Here… get up on the rails right at the point of the ship… careful, don’t jump.” Cas glared, and Dean smirked. “Sorry, sorry. Now… I’m gonna hold you from behind… let your arms go.”

His instincts told Cas this was absurd, to not hold on to anything while practically flying at the front of a ship… but he trusted Dean, the man had already saved his life once, he could probably do it again. 

Cas took a deep breath, and let go, a grin forming from one cheek to the other. “Dean…” he whispered, “Dean, I’m flying.” His voice was barely audible, but Dean could hear him. “That’s right… you’re flying, angel,” he mumbled in his ear, and Dean’s hands moved from his hips up to twine with Cas’ own, them flying together now.

Cas laughed, revelling in the feelings. He leaned back into Dean, feeling reckless and excited. After a minute, Dean looked down, at the waves and Cas as well. Cas looked up at Dean, and his eyes were suddenly hooded with something.

“Cas…” Dean started, noting how beautiful the orange glow of the setting sun made the man in front of him. “Yes, Dean?” Cas asked, ghosting his hand over Dean’s again. “You ever been kissed before?” Dean asked quietly.

Cas was taken aback by the question, but his body moved closer to Dean’s in response. He shook his head. 

Then Dean did something Cas would never forget. He settled his hand between Cas' shoulder blades, and tilted his own head slightly, before stealing Cas' lips between his own, sucking gently, perfectly, and Cas felt his tongue sweep a long, deep stripe along the bottom of his mouth, parting his mouth a little wider for further intimacy.

Cas couldn't breathe- he couldn't move, he couldn't hear, he couldn't do anything. He could have very well lost his footing and fallen again, if Dean's hands weren't securing him. He could feel Dean's hands grip his shoulders, and see stars in the shapes of Dean's orbs- that was all that consumed his vision. Dean's tongue traced Cas' lip, and with a sweet noise, they parted for breath. 

After a moment, Dean grinned. "How was that? Alright for your first lip-lock?" Cas exhaled shakily, an insatiable need filling him to keep going, to go further with him, further and further and never stop. It was undoubted he had never felt this way before. 

"It was more than alright, Dean," he muttered, "It was amazing." Dean chuckled, nudging his nose into the nape of Cas' neck. "Well, you sure know how to stroke a guy's ego."   
Then Cas gasped again as Dean pressed up a little closer to him. He felt the unmistakable line of something pressed against him, and his eyes fluttered shut, a blush running from his toes to his head. "Sorry..." Dean murmured, "Some side effects you can't help." 

They got down together, and looked up to the sky, which was now black, lit only by the stars. Out in the middle of the ocean, they went for miles and miles in the sky- as far as you could look. 

Dean took Cas' hand in his, and began to sway back and forth, shifting closer. Cas leaned into Dean, placing his head on his shoulder. They danced slowly together, and Dean hummed a tune Cas didn't recognize as they moved as one, twining their fingers together. 

The brunette could feel the vibrations of Dean's humming in his chest, and it made him sigh in content, wondering if it would be impossible to stay this way, in this moment forever and ever and never grow old. Then he wondered if that was what love felt like- real love- for if it was, it's what he wanted out of life... he was sure of it now. 

Suddenly, Cas' mouth quirked up a little, and he stroked Dean's jaw line. "I've an idea," he said softly, "Come back to my stateroom. I'm sure we can evade Zachariah, if we're careful." Dean assumed Zachariah was that balding guy who had confronted him.

"I want you to do something for me," Cas finished. Dean raised his eyebrows, and Cas stopped him. "Bring your sketchbook to the big room at the end of the hall on deck three... I'll be waiting." 

Dean said nothing, for he couldn't speak, and couldn't help but be incredibly curious, intrigued. So he hurried to grab his supplies, and followed Cas' instructions.

When he got there, he creaked the door open slowly, nervous to see if anyone was around. He quickly shut the door, and found the room empty. He looked around, his mouth opening a little at the rich hues of the place... deep reds complimented pretty oranges- he saw it from an artist's perspective... it was luxurious, of course.

He sat down on the stool, and opened up to a blank sheet, biting his pencil between his teeth. He wondered for a second if Cas had gotten detoured by his ass of a fiancée, and began to worry if their night was coming to an end because of it. 

Then, he heard the soft click of a door unlocking, and turned to see a sight that took his breath away for the second time that night. Cas was standing, leaning against the doorframe of the boudoir, and he had on a dark, navy blue robe, only held together by a loose waist tie. He had an enticing smile, almost conveying a secret that only Dean would understand, and he sauntered over to the speechless boy sitting there. 

"Wow," Dean muttered, swallowing. Cas rubbed the back of his neck, then trailed his hand nervously over his open chest. "Is that... good wow? Or..." "No! No, it's... it's holy shit good wow," Dean choked, a blush spreading underneath his freckles. He inconspicuously pressed down on his groin as he readjusted in his seat, and rested the sketchbook on his knee. 

"What do you want me to do?" Dean asked, his pupils dilating a little as Cas got closer. "I want you to draw me like that Spanish girl, Dean," he told him, and his voice was surprisingly low. 

Dean's heart skipped a beat as Cas then undid the loose tie, and dropped the robe, sliding down his shoulders then off his body completely. He was naked- but they had been naked in other ways before with each other, so it felt right. The only thing he had on him was a necklace with a gold amulet falling in the middle of his defined pectorals. 

Cas gazed up at Dean lovingly through long lashes, and Dean's eyes held nothing but adoration as they travelled over Cas' smooth, lithe body spread for him. "You're gorgeous," he smiled, and Cas smiled back, positioning himself on the couch for the drawing. 

And Dean began to recreate the lines of Cas on the rough paper, tracing his outline and every dip, ridge, bone and part of his body. He worked on the prominent hipbones, shadowing them in, the length of his graceful legs, and his black hair, sticking up a little in a cute sort of way. He added definition, every detail, and he spent extra time getting the glint of the necklace right. 

When he was finished, he turned it around, and Cas grinned. "I was right," Dean smiled, shaking his head, "You were perfect to draw." Cas sat up, and pulled some of his clothes back on. "Dean," he mumbled, coming up close to the other man, and he laid a hand on the blonde's arm, gazing into his eyes. 

And Dean could tell exactly what Cas was thinking. 

He took Cas' hand, but before they left the room, Cas stopped quickly. "Wait... there's something I should do." Then he took off his necklace carefully, and opened a safe at the back of the room, turning the knob and opening the door. He dropped it in there, and found a piece of paper on the desk, writing a few words on it. 

All it said was, 'You can keep this locked in your safe, but not me... If you don't take risks, you just don't live life properly.'

Dean smiled, and brought him down to a level Cas had never seen before. It was the cargo hold, the level that people's automobiles were kept safe until they reached their destination. 

"What are we doing here?" Cas asked, and Dean grinned. "Nobody'll know we're here." Then he opened the door to a black vehicle, closing it after them. Cas shimmied back to the other end of the space, against the window, and Dean looked at him. Cas' pupils must have been dilated at least three times what they normally were, and Dean assumed he looked about the same.

"Dean, I've never-" Cas started to say, looking down bashfully, but Dean just shushed him with a kiss to the neck. "It's alright, angel... I've got you." 

Then he slowly shrugged Cas' jacket off, pulling his shirt up and over and discarding it. Cas hesitantly copied his actions, and began to undress Dean, teasing the other man's flesh as he did so. Dean let out a shudder as Cas' cool, nimble fingers successfully unbuttoned his shirt, and he leaned down to kiss him. 

Cas watched Dean's large, rugged form of muscles and tanned skin move atop him, and reciprocated the kiss with more confidence than last time... he wanted this so badly, and Dean could tell through the urgency of his lips. Dean took the next step, carefully massaging circles around Cas' crotch, rubbing him to hardness. Cas tilted his head back in a low moan, revealing his pale, smooth neck for Dean to mouth along and leave light marks. 

Cas nudged his hips up a little, and Dean began to unbutton his pants. Cas gasped a little as cool air hit his lower stomach. "D-Dean," he panted, eyes darting nervously down between their bodies. There was an unspoken fear, and Dean understood. "It's okay... it's okay, my angel, I'll take care of you... gonna take good care of my angel, huh?" 

Cas sighed softly into Dean's neck, nodding, and wrapped his arm around the man on top of him. He returned the favour of undoing his pants, and Dean slid them down, then all the way off along with his underwear. Cas bit his lip as he dropped his eyes to Dean's manhood... he was very well-endowed, and Cas swallowed in anticipation. 

Dean brought his hand behind Cas, and slipped two fingers under his underwear, Cas then proceeding to pull them down and off. Dean gazed up at Cas as he moved downward, licking his pink lips and wrapping his mouth around the head of Cas' length. Cas' eyes flew open, and his hands scrambled at Dean's hair, unsure of what to do with them. Dean lapped lightly at the bit of white beading at the top, and took a little bit more of him in his mouth, making Cas moan.

He was fully hard now, and Dean licked a stripe down his length, making him twitch. "Please..." was all that Cas had to whimper for Dean to know he was ready, and he moved up again, letting him go with a pop.

Then Dean licked the fingers, coating them, and brought them to the ridge at the top of Cas' ass. 

Cas sucked in a sharp breath as Dean slid lower and pressed the fingers to his hole, and he wanted nothing more than Dean in him, but he was worried if he would break from it.  
"I'll go slow," Dean promised, tracing lines down to Cas' belly button, "I'll make it good, Cas, baby, don't worry." Cas trusted him again, and relaxed his body as Dean gently pushed the fingers into him, working in coaxing strokes to open him up. Cas could feel himself get harder as Dean delved a little deeper, pausing every few seconds to plant a kiss to Cas' forehead and make sure he was alright. 

"Dean... please, go faster," Cas murmured, and Dean smiled a little, complying. He added a third finger, and Cas licked his lips. Soon, Dean began to pant. "Cas, you ready? I don't know how much longer I can wait..." "Yes, Dean, please, I need you in me," he whispered, and Dean nodded, positioning himself at his entrance.

Then in one thrust, he was filling Cas up, and though it burned, it made Cas' heart beat with undying satisfaction, knowing that the man he wanted and loved was inside of him, essentially part of him. "F-faster," he muttered, and Dean chuckled, touching their naked chests together. 

He lifted Cas' legs to rest on his shoulders, and put his weight on his forearms on either side of Cas to hold him up as he began to thrust in rhythm, making Cas groan and shake. Dean's eyebrows went together, mouth falling open. "You're perfect... so perfect, Cas... you're doing so good..." Cas nodded with these encouragements, tightening his hole in a clench around Dean. This seemed to make Dean go a little faster, and in one deep thrust, he hit a spot inside of Cas that made him see stars.

"Ohhhh, right there, Dean!" Cas cried quietly, and he followed it by a soft mewl as Dean returned to thrust into that spot again. "How you doing, baby?" Dean asked breathlessly, "You close?" Cas nodded frantically, and Dean reached down between them, making a loose fist around Cas' throbbing erection and pumping it in slow strokes. 

Cas almost sobbed at how good it felt, and his arms reached behind Dean's neck to bring his head into his chest as they rocked together. The windows were foggy, covered in a steamy film from their hot breath, and Cas squeezed his eyes shut, sparks of pleasure travelling up from where Dean was continuously penetrating him.

"I need... I n-need," Cas moaned, and Dean suckled along Cas' collarbone. "What? Tell me what you need, angel, what is it?" "Please... deeper... I need you deeper, Dean," he said in a strangled voice. Dean complied, bottoming out and thrusting his hips up to meet Cas' every time he went in. 

Cas felt a single tear of joy run down his face as Dean continued to rock his hips into him, and he gasped again as he felt a warmth build throughout his body.   
"De-Dean... Dean!" Cas cried, "Dean, I'm... oh, Dean, I'm... ah!!" "I know... I know, let it happen... it's okay, I'll never let you go, Cas," Dean whispered in his ear, clasping their hands together, and Cas gave a shout as his entire being was overtaken by the most overwhelming, indescribably pleasure. 

His toes curled, and his stomach clenched, and he could feel Dean begin to move faster in him, so he assumed he was close. His opening was clenching uncontrollably, and Dean let out a deep moan as he pressed his head taught to Cas' heaving chest, releasing a wrecked whimper as he spilled deep inside of the other man.

As their climaxes rocked through them, Cas' hand flew up to the window, leaving a handprint in the fog as he slid down into a pliant position underneath Dean.

They both took a few moments to come down from the exertion, sweat and white spending between their bodies with their lips mingling mere inches away from each other. Cas stared at Dean, and kissed him, before they both began to breathe normally. 

"I love you," Cas murmured, and Dean stroked his hair. "I love you too." They laid in a comfortable silence for a second. "Cas, when this ship docks, get off with me." Cas looked up at him, then rested his head on Dean's chest. "Okay," was all that he whispered, closing his eyes.

\----

Now fully clothed, mopped up, and covered in a flush of emotion and satisfaction, Dean followed Cas to the upper deck, laughing and feeling on top of the world. 

"I love you so much," Cas said, saying it more and more now that he had realized it. Dean swung him around. "I love you, Castiel," he drawled, dipping him down as he grinned wolfishly. Cas laughed, tossing his head back. There was nothing anybody could say or do to take this moment away from him. 

They ran over to the bow of the ship, and looked out at the ocean. 

"It's gettin' colder as we get further out into the open sea," Dean explained, pointing out, "See that iceberg there? We'll see a lot more of 'em." Cas smiled, watching as the magnificent block of ice came closer to the ship. It was a sight to behold, the shiny white in the moonlight, and they had a great view of it, for it looked like it was going to pass closely!

They watched together, and after a minute, Cas' smile disappeared. "Dean... Dean, the ship is heading straight for that iceberg." Dean's grip on Cas' arm tightened as he realized Cas was right.

Up in the highest viewpoint of the ship, Adam frowned as he took a bite of his cold peanut butter sandwich. "Hey... hey, Uri..." he murmured, nudging the half asleep worker beside him. 

"Hm? What is it?" the older, more heavy set man grumbled. "Uhhh... that iceberg look close to you?" Uri rubbed his eyes, and took the pair of binoculars from the lanky blonde. His eyes widened, and Adam swallowed, panic rising inside of him as he shouted, "ICEBERG, D-DEAD AHEAD!!"


	7. Chapter 7

Dean and Cas looked up to where they heard someone say that, then back to the iceberg. "We're not gonna make it... Dean, we're not going to make it!" Cas cried, grabbing onto Dean's shirt.

In the steering room, Captain Shurley's eyes widened as he looked out at the impeding obstacle. It was getting closer and closer too quickly, and he tried to steer away, but they all knew it was too little too late. 

Gabriel gritted his teeth as he tried to manoeuvre the ship away. "If- AH!- if only we weren't going so damn fast!" he shouted. 

Sure enough, the ship shook with a rumble as the side of it was grazed by the ice, dangerous chunks of it splitting off and falling onto the deck right where Dean and Cas had been seconds before.

The ship continued to go, and they could feel the resistance of the hull being scratched. Soon, the ship came to a complete stop. 

Cas looked at Dean worriedly, and Dean tried to think of something. "We've gotta... we..." "Dean, we have to find Balthazar!" "What?! Are you crazy?!" "He can do something, he's powerful, Dean, he can get us off, or something!" Dean's lips settled into a firm, reluctant line, but realized it might be their only way of confirming safety... or the only way to confirm the safety of his Cas, at least. 

They ran through the ship, through people waking up and going to check what the lack of movement and commotion was all about. Dean pushed first, leading Cas behind him, and soon, he heard Cas cry out. 

"Balth! Balthazar!" he called, and Dean followed him to where his mother, Cain, Balthazar, and Bela stood. Bela looked like some witch who had just woken up after one thousand years of hibernation, Cain and Collette looked distraught, and Balthazar's eyes fired up at the sight of Dean.

"Castiel! What the hell is he doing with you?" Balthazar asked, clenching his jaw. Cas' breath became ragged as he backed up a little, wondering wearily if his ex-fiancée would strike him in such a rage. "Stow your crap, we've got bigger issues right now!" Dean snapped, glaring at him. Balthazar had to refrain from cursing out the man in front of him in front of his family, but something about Dean's body language said that he shouldn't start anything, so he huffed, looking away. Then he thought of something... something he never thought he would be capable of doing, but desperate times. 

"You could be right," he said slowly, looking back and affirming with a nod. Dean relaxed a little, happy this didn't mean physical conflict. There was no time for that.   
"Oh, pish posh, it was probably just a graze, why get so worked up?" Bela groaned, yawning. Just then, Ezekiel hurried by, overhearing. "I'm afraid it's a tad more serious than that, young lady," he said, and rubbed over his mouth as his eyes darted nervously. "It seems the gash was deep... the lower decks are starting to flood. We don't want folks to panic, but... we have to get everyone off!"

"Or as many people as will fit," Cas whispered, bringing his hand up to cover his lips in grim realization. Dean looked at him. "What?" "There aren't enough life boats," Cas said quietly, "Ezekiel himself told me." As Dean was turned around talking to Cas, Balthazar slipped something in his pocket while no one was watching.  
Dean sighed, and turned. "Look, we've-" 

Then it hit him. Lower levels... the date... the dancing room...

Sammy.

"Wait," he breathed, a rush of nausea overtaking him, "Wait, wait, wait, my brother, I have- I have to get to my brother," he said, head spinning. Balthazar nodded, quirking his lips up. This was perfect.

"I'll have Zachariah go down with you and help you look," he said, and Zach looked at him in question, knowing something must be afoot. Then suddenly, Balthazar frowned, staring at Dean's shirt pocket. "What in the heavens is that?"

Dean frowned as well. "What?" Bela followed her brother's gaze, and noticed something gold in his pocket. "Is that...?" she gasped, "Is that that necklace you bought for Castiel?!" Balthazar's mouth fell open as he took it out. "By god, it is!"

"You dirty thief!" Bela cried, "I knew there was something wrong with you the minute I saw you!" "After all I've done to help you, this is how you repay me?" Balthazar asked Dean incredulously, and Dean found himself whirling in a mess of confusion.

"I have... I have no idea how that got there... really! I don't friggin’ know!" Balthazar rolled his eyes. "You're probably a master pickpocket. How else could you afford living with your brother?" Dean scrambled for words. "I'm not- I'm... please!" Cas was speechless. 

"No!! Dean couldn't have taken it, I've been with him the whole night!" Then he realized what he said, and clapped a hand over his mouth. Balthazar's eyes flickered to him, rage evident behind them, but he just smirked. "I suppose not, my sweet, naive little darling." 

Then he turned to Zachariah. "Arrest him- lock him downstairs." Zach nodded, grinning in a way unsettling to Dean as he struggled. "No! Please, believe me!" Cas cried out as well. "NO! Dean!! No, please, don't do this! Don't do this, I'll do anything! Please!" 

Balthazar ignored him, until the rest of the family was gone following the crowd, and Dean had been dragged away, when he grabbed his wrist.  
"I am disappointed, to say the least." 

Cas looked up at him, swallowing hard. "Why would you do that?" he whispered. Balthazar ignored his question. "I found your little note... I'm willing to overlook your lapse of judgement if you forget about all this foolishness, and once we get to safety, we'll put all of this behind us." 

Cas laughed, though there was no humour behind it. "I would rather drown than go back with you!" "Oh, Cassie. You know full well this was your doing." "Why, because I fell in love?!" "Love? Oh, you mean that thing that I thought we had-?" "What we have is not love, Balthazar. It's arranged marriage."

A glimmer of hurt flickered across his face, then disappeared as he steeled. "I daresay I loved you once. Now, after hearing how you really feel, I hope you never find happiness, and I never want to see you again."

And by his tone and the instilled coldness in his features, Castiel knew Balthazar wasn't going to forget his pledge. 

\----

"Please!" Dean cried, again and again as he thrashed against Zachariah, "Please, my brother's down here somewhere! I've got to find him! I've got to... got to make sure Sammy's alright!" 

Zach led him into the master-at-arms office, handcuffing him to a pipe. "He... he could be dying," Dean tried, whimpering, tears spilling over down his cheeks, "Please, that's my little brother! That's my little brother..."

Zach showed no remorse as he tightened the cuffs around the pipe. "I warned you to stay away from the boy, Castiel. You chose not to listen. Anything that happens from here on out is entirely your doing, not mine, son." 

And he began to walk away, Dean crying as he watched his last hope walk up the stairs. He was going to die... Sam might already be dead, but he could hope with all his being that he got out okay with Jess, out to the top deck... Sam was a smart kid, he probably knew to get up higher.

Dean consoled himself with that thought. Sam was smart... He did the right thing.

Then he started thinking about Cas... he knew Cas would get out okay, he probably got top priority. That made him smile. He let out a little noise of happiness, knowing Cas would be okay. Then he thought of never getting to see those beautiful blue eyes again... and that's what brought him down. He let out a defeated breath, and squeezed his eyes shut as water began to soak the bottoms of his shoes. 

Cas fought through hoards of people as he tore away from his family. He had to find where they had taken Dean.

He ran down the stairs, and was frightened to find that the first floor of the ship was already carpeted with a thin sheen of running water. There were people coming out of their rooms, some screaming, some small children crying, some looking at him like he was mad for walking further into it.

Cas ignored them, frantically searching every room for Dean. Then he saw, at the end of the hall, a half-open door and a law enforcement symbol on it.   
By now, the floor was empty, everyone crowding the staircases, elevators, and dumbwaiters. But Cas ran toward the door, pushing it open against the force of the now ankle-high water to find-

"Cas?" Dean asked, looking up. His eyes lighted with something, as if he wasn't expecting to see him. "Dean," Cas smiled, relieved. Then he took one look at the cuffs, and let out a weary sigh. 

"Cas, baby, there's no way I'm gettin' out of this. This is where I stop. You gotta get out, you gotta save yourself, I can't let you put yourself in danger for me." "Well, it's a good thing you're not calling the shots then," Cas retorted in his usual sass, "You're literally chained to a pole, Dean. You can't tell me what to do in your predicament."  
Dean's eyes filled with gratitude and slight amusement. 

He tried to yank at the metal around his burning wrists. "How are we gonna get these off? There's no way!" Then, Cas had an idea. "Dean... this is a law enforcement office, yes?" "Uh, I guess so-" "And law enforcement officers usually keep firearms, yes?" Dean's eyes widened. "Cas, you damn genius."

Cas grinned, and threw open the drawers of the desk, searching around for a gun. His brow creased as he couldn't find anything, and he looked at Dean in panic. Dean gulped. "Try that dresser thing over there!" "Okay." 

By now, the freezing cold water was up to their knees, and Dean swore he couldn't feel his legs anymore. Cas rummaged around, until he found something with a shout. "Dean! Dean, I found something!" Dean let out a choked laugh. "Alright! Alright, Cas, blow me out of these things."

Then Cas looked hesitant. 

"Dean, what if I shoot you?" "Come on, man, you're probably not that bad a shot!" Cas winced, and Dean lifted his eyebrows. "Ever shot a gun in your life?" Cas crossed his arms. "Dean, I'm the pretty rich boy, what do you think?" Dean rolled his eyes. 

"Doesn't matter, give it your best." "But-" "Dammit, Cas, I can't feel my genitals anymore, let's get the hell out of here before I lose them!" Cas nodded, and with a fervent lip bite, squinted and aimed. 

"I'm so sorry-" "Just shoot!" 

*BAM!*

They both opened one eye, to find, to their astonishment, that Dean still had his hands, his genitals, and was free!

"Cas, you talented sonovabitch, come'ere!" Dean grinned, hugged him, then kissed him full on the lips. Both of their hands were shaking like crazy. They broke apart finally, and with one last gaze, dashed out. Well, more like waded or trudged out, as the water now reached their hips. 

As they made their way as fast as they could to the next level, Dean looked around to see if Sam was anywhere.

The dork's probably already up there, he reassured himself, and went over with Cas to the entrance of the second floor.

They came across groups of angry, loud people, all shouting and raising their fists to something or someone. They saw people who had been dancing that night, people they had smiled at before when down here. As the two kept walking, they saw other familiar faces, like Benny, Gavin, and Jess, and approached them. Dean wondered why his brother wasn't with Jess...

"What's going on?" Cas asked Benny, and the bearded man turned. "They're lockin' us down here!" Cas' eyes widened, and Dean's mouth transformed into a scowl. "What? No, they can't do that!" "Well, they did," Gavin growled in his drawl, pounding on the grate that had lowered so that no one could escape. 

Dean turned to Jess. “Jess, where’s Sam?” Worry was evident on her face. “I don’t know, he said he was gonna try and sneak something from the restaurant upstairs for us to have for our date, but of course, then… this happened,” she said, biting her lip. 

Dean nodded. At least Sam might still be up there. Jess grabbed his arm. “Dean- tell him I love him.” Dean shook his head. “You’ll be okay, tell him yourself, once Cas and I get these gates open from the next floor.”

Cas suddenly realized why this was happening. They didn't have enough boats, so they were securing the poor people downstairs and saving the help for the rich. He shook his head, his heart twisting. The people he had met down here were far better than those of his own.

He sighed, and Dean took his hand, muttering, "Fine, we'll damn well find another way!" 

As they zigzagged the halls, Dean came to someone at the end of the hall... but they weren't much of a someone anymore. Cas' heart beat faster as he regarded the floating figures of a few people who must have slipped on their way out and hit their head, drowning.

Dean let out a low groan. "No..." he whispered.

Cas’ lip trembled, and he huddled into Dean. "Shhh, it's okay," Dean comforted, "It'll be okay. We're gonna find a way out, we are not gonna end up like these people, angel, I promise." 

Once again, Cas trusted Dean.

They eventually came to an elevator, and they let out a cry of happiness at their luck. It was empty, and seemed to still be working. They got in, and rode up to the second floor. Then the lift stopped. 

Cas looked around. "Dean, what's going on?" Dean looked around as well. "I don't know... maybe it's just a malfunction or something. We'll keep moving." 

After a moment, when they didn't, Dean began to get nervous. "We're not going to get out," Cas whimpered, "We're going to die." Dean took his arm, frowning, and held his head against his chest. "Hey, hey, nobody is gonna die, okay? Don't talk like that- now look at me." 

Cas looked up. "You and me... we're going to make it through, because we've got each other, okay? I'm obligated to save you, remember? That's why we can't ever let go of each other. You hear me, Cas? Don't you ever let go of me." Cas nodded, and closed his eyes. 

Then he opened them to see the floor leaking... and he began to cry into Dean's shoulder. "What? What is it?" Cas nodded toward the water, and Dean sucked in a breath. If they were stuck at the second floor as Dean assumed they were, that meant that... everyone who had been held at the first floor and stopped in their path upstairs was now underwater. Jess...

He stared at the ceiling, swearing loudly. The water was beginning to pour in earnest now, up to the tops of their feet, up to their ankles, their knees... 

And for a second, Dean believed that this was it, but he couldn't say it aloud of course, so he held Cas tight to him, their beating hearts one. 

Then the elevator jolted, and Cas' eyes flew open, a smile spreading across his face. Dean's face was the same as the lift began to move again, higher away from the rising water.   
The gates of the lift opened, and as they were prepared to leave, a guard stepped in front, keeping the gates locked. 

"Wha-" Dean shouted, glaring at him, "Hey! Hey, let us out!" The guard turned, and though there was a tinge of sadness to him, he kept his stance. "I can't. I've been ordered to block off any and all passage from the first two floors to the top deck." 

Dean's mouth hung open. "You... you sick sons of bitches! We're people! You just let hundreds of people die down there!" The guard looked uncomfortable, and he straightened up. "I'm just doing my job." 

"Doing your job, yeah. Letting people die?! Is that your god damn job?!" Dean yelled, and the guard looked down, beginning to walk away. Dean pounded against the gate. "HEY!"   
Cas suddenly stepped forward. "Excuse me, but do you have any idea who I am?" The guard turned slightly. 

"I am the fiancée of Balthazar Manchester!" The guard's eyes widened, and he quickly opened the gate, apologizing. He eyed Dean, but Cas had a tight grip on him, so the guard said nothing as they ran past him. 

They ran to the top floor, finally making it. It was complete and utter chaos, everybody scrambling for places on lifeboats and the crew trying to contain everyone.   
"Everyone, please!" someone shouted, "There is a certain order to which things must be done!" 

Cas and Dean hurried over, and Dean knew what he had to do. "Cas," he murmured in his ear, "You have to get on a boat." Cas' eyes widened in horror, and he shook his head fervently. "After all this, I can't leave you!" "Baby, you have to, I'll find another way, but you have to get on fast." "Dean, I won't go without you." "Why are you so damn stubborn, we're talking about your life here, Castiel!" "My life is nothing without you!" Cas cried, and Dean shut up for a second.

Then he squeezed Cas' hand tightly, giving him that reassuring smirk that made Cas weak at the knees. "We'll see each other again. I promise." 

Cas' head was swimming. He had trusted Dean through this entire bumpy, crazy, surreal journey. Should he do it again?


	8. Chapter 8

He looked into Dean's deep green eyes, telling him everything was going to be okay, because they had each other. And Cas nodded, squeezing Dean's hand back. Dean let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and ushered him around to the front, where people were boarding the boats. 

"Hey! You can't be up here!" Uriel shouted at him, standing atop the rails to organize people into lines. "It's not me getting on, it's him!" Dean barked, scowling up at him. Uriel looked displeased, but he beckoned for Cas to come forward, recognizing him as priority class. 

Cas saw that Collette and Cain were already on this one, Bela sitting there looking absolutely distressed. He took in a deep breath, assuring himself that he would see Dean again.   
"Oh, Castiel!" Collette sobbed, clutching onto him, "Oh, I feared the worst! At last, you're alright... oh..." "What of Balthazar?" Cas deadpanned, though he found himself hoping they wouldn't find him. "Oh, safe, safe, darling, he got on another boat. He was worried sick about you!" "Just as we were," Cain added, patting his shoulder as his brows furrowed.

I’m sure he was just beside himself, Cas thought drily. 

Dean knew he wouldn't see him again. Getting Cas onto this boat meant he would return safely to land and they would never see each other again, cause how would they? 

But the golden haired boy held his smile, waving to Cas as he got on, nodding to him to reassure. Nodding, knowing this was one promise he couldn't keep... it would be selfish to risk Cas' safety to be with him, even though his heart positively ached for it. 

Cas felt the boat bump a little as it was slowly brought down. 

He looked at his family, and his heart sank as he suddenly jerked his head back over to Dean, watching him from the boat. Dean smiled one last time, but this time, Cas saw the sadness behind it. And he knew he couldn't let it end this way.

He stood up, causing the boat to rock, and Collette cried out, Bela screaming too. Cain stared at him. "Are you mad? What in the heavens are you doing, Castiel?!" Cas looked back. "Keeping a promise!" 

Then, he screwed his eyes shut, wondering if this was the stupidest decision of his life, (it probably was), and jumped out, back for the ship. Dean's eyes bugged, and he reached forward just in time, catching him by the arms and pulling him up and over. The boat dropped to the water, and Cas gasped, pulled close to Dean's chest.

"Why did you do that?" Dean mumbled, gazing down at him and down at his lips. "I realized I was never going to see you again. I couldn't let that happen," Cas said back. Dean grinned, and nodded, pulling him back. "Okay. So if we've got no chance of getting on a boat together, which we don't, we've got to find another way. So we hang on."

"I've got an unfortunate feeling you mean that in the literal way," Cas sighed, and Dean wrapped his arms around his waist as they ran. They ran past a door to the sitting room where all the men would congregate and chat together after dinners, and Cas caught a glimpse of someone standing with his hand on the mantle.

He frowned, and went back. 

"Mr. Ezekiel?" The man looked up. "Castiel. I..." his eyes were wet, "I'm so, so sorry." Cas ran up to him, putting a hand on his arm. "Sir, why are you apologizing?" "I built this ship, you see... All of this was because I didn't build it well enough." Cas looked down. "It's not your fault the captain decided to go too fast. It’s certainly not your fault there was an iceberg!" 

But Ezekiel wasn't listening. 

"Come on, Cas, we have to go!" Dean said, "You too, sir!" Ezekiel turned, and smiled sadly. "I just need a minute..." was all he said, and Cas knew he wasn't going to follow. He was going to stay. 

Cas nodded to the brave in respect, before following Dean. 

They ran to the other side of the ship, where Dean stopped dead in his tracks. 

"Sammy!!" he called, and dashed over to where the tall boy was helping women and children through the crowds onto the boats. "Dean?!" Sam grinned, and the two hugged tightly. Cas smiled, relieved that Sam had not been lost in the water downstairs, as he had feared.

"You made it... you made it," Dean said, shaking his head, and slapped his brother on the back. "Jess?" Sam asked hopefully. Dean looked away, and shook his head. "I'm sorry... she was downstairs..." Sam's face twisted up.

"Come on, follow us, man," Dean prompted, but Sam didn't follow. Dean turned, and Sam looked down. "I have to help these people get to safety. I'm gonna help them, Dean." Dean frowned, worry spreading through him like a wildfire.

"Sam, they're fine, you can't be their hero, they can help themselves-" "There are children, Dean, that are alone, or lost, and scared, and I'm going to go back and help them get to safety." Dean's breath caught, and he looked at him. "You can't... you can't just stay here! I... I won't let you!" "Dean, listen... you've been taking care of me my whole life. We grew up together, man. But I'm twenty-two. You've gotta let me grow up.... this is somethin' I gotta do."

Dean's lower lip trembled, and he stood there for a second, dumbfounded. Then he closed his eyes, and brought his brother in for another hug. "I love ya, Sammy," he whispered, and Sam squeezed him back. "I love you too... you'll always be my big brother, Dean." "Yeah..." Dean nodded slowly, his voice choking up in his throat, "Yeah."

Then Sam smiled, and went back downstairs to save more people. Cas comforted Dean, slipping a hand in his, and Dean exhaled through his nose. "We gotta keep going," he mumbled, giving Cas a small smile as he wiped his eyes, and they went over to the stern. 

Dean instructed Cas to grab onto the rails. "Hold onto these... and put your hand over mine," he said, indicating where his hand was on the top rail. "Why are we holding on if we're sinking?" Cas asked nervously. "Just trust me, angel, I’ve worked with machines before- the ship's gonna have to break sooner or later before fully going under, and when it does, we have to make sure we're holding onto something."

Cas' eyes met Dean's worriedly. "That sounds unpleasant." Dean laughed a little. "Sure does. It'll be scary as hell." Cas huffed. "You're supposed to make me feel better." Dean smirked. "Okay. The ship we're on is gonna crack in half, but don't worry, it'll be just like a nice trip on your yacht." 

Cas rolled his eyes, and playfully smacked Dean's hand. Then the ship rumbled, and Dean's face became serious again. "HOLD ON!" he yelled, and right in front of his eyes, Cas watched as the deck began to splinter, bending up and breaking right there from the middle. The huge smokestacks fell backward, smacking into the water and creating huge tidal waves. It was so surreal, like he was watching it happen but he wasn’t there. 

He had to squeeze his eyes shut to try and ignore the screams of the people around him. Some people had also been smart, or simply observant, and had taken to holding onto the railings as well. 

From out on the open sea, one of the lifeboats still held Colette, Cain, Bela, and some others. One of the others happened to be Ellen.

“What’re we doin’ out here?!” she asked, rousing everyone out of their fear. “S-Saving ourselves,” the man manning the boat answered. She scoffed. “We’ve gotta save those poor people in the water! We’ve got enough room in here!” 

Cain glared over. “You suggest we go back to that wreckage? Get ourselves killed?” “We could save some more people!” “Be my guest,” the man said coldly, and made no move to turn back. Ellen looked to Collette for support, for surely as a mother, she would be dying to go back and find Castiel. But Collette averted eye-contact, staying silent.   
Ellen sighed, looking back at the sinking ship. 

The ship began to tilt now, back and back until the half they were on was standing fully vertical. Cas let out a little noise as their legs dangled in mid air.

The person next to them looked over, and Dean and Cas saw that it was Adam, the crewmember. He looked frightened as all hell, and then, in one swift slip, his hand came loose, and he fell down, screaming. Cas looked back up before he could watch Adam get crushed.

"CAS!" Dean yelled over the roar of the waves, and Cas swallowed. "YES, DEAN?!" "HOLD ON! DON'T EVER LET GO OF ME, REMEMBER?! DON'T YOU EVER LET GO OF MY HAND!" Cas nodded feverishly, and the ship began to tilt back down. Dean clenched his jaw. "WE'RE GOING UNDER! DON'T LET GO OF ME!" "I WON'T!"

The ship began to fall, and Cas squeezed Dean's hand so hard it began to hurt. All he could hear was the whiz of air by his ears as the ship seemed to fall in slow motion, getting closer and closer to the water as they tumbled. More and more people were letting go, but they held on tight, to the railing, and to each other. 

As the ocean got closer and closer, Cas stared down at the dark waves, just as unwelcoming as the first night on the ship, all those days ago when he had first met Dean.   
And as he closed his eyes and braced for the freezing impact, he once again trusted Dean that they would make it. 

\----

Everything was horribly silent for about thirty straight seconds, when they were dragged underwater with the ship. Dean tugged on Cas’ wrist, signifying to let go of the railing, but not his hand, and Cas did so. But the force of the current after the fall washed through them, and tore their hands apart, Cas desperately scrambling to grab him. Dean grabbed for Cas as well, but as they tried to swim, they were only being pulled further apart. 

Cas couldn’t hear anything, as if the only thing he had that was working right now was his vision. He could see only slightly through the murky water, but he was beginning to lose what little air he had in his lungs, and it didn’t help that the water was shockingly cold. 

He opened his mouth to scream Dean’s name, but he knew it wouldn’t do any good. He gritted his teeth, and used the last of his energy to push upward, or what he thought was upward, to the surface. 

Dean couldn’t find Cas. He was in a full blown panic, looking around and yelling his name. “CAS?!” he called out, his voice lost in the estranged cries of those struggling around him in the water. He saw the ship sinking almost fully in the near distance, and he kept swimming, looking around. “Cas?! Baby, where are you?!” he cried, beginning to shiver. He couldn’t imagine him underwater, looking for him, trying to grab for him, slowly drowning…

“DEAN!” He heard, and he jerked his head back, his body warming just from the sight of Cas. “Oh, god, Cas,” Dean smiled, swimming back to where Cas was coughing and shivering. “Cas, are you okay?” “Yes, D-Dean, I’m fine…” “Come on, let’s get on something floating, we have to get out of the water.” 

They found a large-looking piece of floating debris, and Dean helped Cas up on top, proceeding to then try and hoist himself up. But the wood sunk lower as Dean tried to get on, and Cas’ legs were already immersed in water. Pressing his lips together in a grim decision, Dean stayed in the water, opting to keep his legs moving to prevent onset of hypothermia. 

“D-Dean,” Cas whispered, “Dean, get up… come on…” Dean took his hands as Cas flipped over onto his stomach to look at him. “It’s okay… the wood won’t fit both of us… but it’s okay.” He swallowed, catching his breath as it came out in foggy puffs, “They’ll be a boat coming soon, Cas. When the boat comes, we’ll get on, and we’ll finally be together.”   
Cas smiled, his teeth chattering together as he held onto Dean’s icy hands. “F-Finally,” he mumbled, nodding. “W-What sh-should we d-do when we g-get back?” Dean asked, smiling back as the cold really began to set in. “L-let’s… let’s watch the sunset…” Cas mumbled, smiling, “Let’s… sit together… and d-drink beer… and watch as the sun goes down.” 

Dean nodded, laughing a little and coughing. “Yeah… yeah, th-that sounds nice, angel... I’ll teach you how to do a whole l-lot of s-stuff too, that you've n-never even s-seen before.” “B-But… if we don’t get to it… then it’s ok-kay,” Cas assured, kneading Dean’s fingers in his own, “Bec-cause we’re together… and th-that’s all that matters…” Dean nodded. “That’s right… that’s all that m-matters.”

Cas was beginning to violently shake now, and Dean could tell. “Hey…” he whispered, “S'okay… we’ll be safe soon… you’ll be warm… I’ll make sure you’re warm, cause I’ll kiss you all over.” “A-All over?” Cas grinned weakly. “D-Damn right,” Dean grinned back, huffing another throaty chuckle, “You sexy thing.” Cas laughed too, and Dean could feel the cold of the water travelling up into his stomach. It wouldn’t be much longer now. 

“C-Cas? Can you do somethin’… for me?” Dean asked, almost breathlessly. “Of c-course, Dean… anything.” Dean looked into Cas’ bright blue eyes, searching and full of love, and he smiled a little. “You live, okay?” Cas frowned. “What?” “Live your life, and be happy. You d-deserve to b-be…” he caught his breath, “happy.”

Cas swallowed thickly, drawing Dean’s hands into his chest. “Well, y-yes… I will… but you’ll be there to see it. The b-boat’s coming, and we’re getting back, a-and we’ll live together and we’ll kiss all the time because we can… Dean…” Dean nodded, closing his eyes and opening them again. He couldn’t feel anything from the waist down, and his chest was almost completely numb. 

“I love you angel… I love you s-so much,” he whispered gently, planting a kiss to Cas’ hand, “You’re beautiful, and I love you, and I don’t regret meeting you, because everything that happened, happened because it was meant to. I promise you’ll be safe.” Cas nodded, wondering why Dean was saying all this.

He flipped back over onto his back. “Dean, marry me when we get back…” he whispered faintly, words drawling out slowly as his vision became hazy. “Okay,” was all Dean said. 

Darkness enveloped his sight. 

\-----

He cracked his eyes open, and Cas could see stars in the sky, stretching for miles and miles. He slowly came back to consciousness, coughing a little as he rolled over. There was frost on the ends of his hair, which was still wet and stuck to his numb forehead. He opened his mouth to say Dean’s name, but all that came out was a wheeze, his voice unable to project out. 

He coughed again, and laid there for a few more minutes. Everything was so eerily quiet, and soon, Cas saw why, everyone around him bobbing in the water, lifeless.   
He cringed, making the icy film of frost crack between the creases of his cheeks. It hurt to even move, and he was beyond cold now, but in the distance, he thought he caught glimpse of movement. 

He squinted, and saw, in relief, that there was a light, moving across the water. It was far away, but it seemed like a lifeboat!

“Dean…” Cas croaked out, looking over at him, “Dean, there’s a boat… there’s a boat, Dean,” he repeated, fully smiling now in utter relief. He shook the man holding his hands. “Dean! Dean, wake up, they came back for us, just like you said… we’re okay, we’re safe…” he breathed. Then he frowned, starting to feel sick. 

“Dean?” 

He shook him again, watching Dean’s closed eyes and how the ends of his long eyelashes were tipped with more frost, as was his hair. His lips were blue, and his skin had an eerie white tint. 

“Dean?” he repeated a little louder this time, and shook him harder. “Dean!” he hissed, eyebrows lifting. But his love wasn’t waking up. “No… no, no,” Cas cried, “Dean, please wake up… I love you so much, you have to wake up!” 

He buried his head down, letting his sobs echo out over the still water. His tears were freezing halfway down his cheek, and it was painful. “I love you,” he sobbed, holding Dean’s frozen, limp hands to his forehead, “I’ll never let go, Dean…” he whispered, “I’ll never let you go.”

Then he took one last look at the one who had brought him so much happiness, had given him an escape from the hell of his life, and he watched as Dean drifted deeper, and deeper, farther away from him forever into the depths of the sea. 

Cas rolled back, staring up at the stars. He couldn’t move, couldn’t even breathe hardly, due in part to the fact that he was freezing half to death and the fact that he had just lost what was, essentially, his life.

He let his eyes close, no longer caring about the lifeboat. Maybe he should just stay here, and slowly let himself slip out of consciousness. How could he live without Dean?  
Then, he remembered what Dean had said. He had told him to live. He questioned how he could, but Dean had wanted him to so badly… Cas couldn’t deny him that one last wish.   
He choked back another sob, and gathering the last of his strength, sat up, attempting to call out.

“Hello!” he tried weakly, but it was obvious no one could hear that. “Hello!!” he tried, a little louder, but it became apparent his voice was too frail. He set his jaw, and looked around, finally noticing a whistle around someone’s neck. With no second thought, he jumped down into the water, and swam over. 

It was miraculous he didn’t drown, for most of his body wouldn’t move, but he grabbed onto the person, who was now buoyant, and brought the whistle shakily up to his chapped lips. 

Suddenly, the person manning the boat looked over, hearing a sound. “Survivors,” he muttered to himself, and began to drive back over.

Cas let out a triumphant breath as he saw the boat coming over. He then let his eyes close, though only temporarily… 

He trusted his Dean one last time, that he would make it out safe. And he did.


	9. Epilogue

“And that, gentlemen,” Cas said, nodding, “Was my story aboard the legendary ship.” 

Chuck, Rufus, and even Anna sat there, open mouthed, wide-eyed in shock as Cas finished. They were rendered utterly speechless, and Cas smiled a little. “Still believe it was me in the picture, Mr. Shurley?” he asked, chuckling.

Chuck scrambled to speak. “I… there aren’t… words…” “I know. It was a great big sap story, yes? But it happened… oh, yes, it was very real. He… was very real. And to be quite honest,” he said, scratching his head, “I haven’t thought about it in such detail since… well, since it occurred.” 

“Grandpa, I had no idea…” Anna said, rubbing his back, “You never told me about…” “I suppose I didn’t see a need to. There are some things that a person locks away deep inside their heart. Sometimes it’s painful to remember, but sometimes it serves as a reminder of something beautiful that once was. I thank you for this opportunity.”

Rufus shook his head, rubbing his face. “Damn,” he muttered. “Yeah…” Chuck whispered, knowing he would never fully comprehend exactly or adjust to what he had just heard. “Th-Thank you, for your time… Mr. Novak-Winchester. It sure was eye-opening.” 

Later that night, Cas sat on his bed, smiling as he looked at the picture one more time. Then he took out his wallet, and leafed through all the photographs taken of him on all the adventures he had taken over the years of his long, happy life. Horse riding on the beach… watching the sunset… hiking… adopting a daughter, Claire… his granddaughter Anna being born… he even went paragliding at one point. 

“I kept my side of the bargain, Dean,” Cas grinned, “I’m old, and I’m happy. Satisfied?” He chuckled to himself, and wiped away a single content tear.  
And he lied down in his bed, turning out the light as he slipped into sleep, and took his last few breaths. 

Castiel opened his eyes, finding himself dressed in a dapper black suit, renewed black hair styled perfectly. He looked around him, taking in the sight of a place he hadn’t seen in years. 

He was inside the grand hall of the Titanic, and there was the grand golden staircase he was looking down upon. Then he saw him. 

There was Dean, back to him, waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. As he slowly walked down, the people who had lost their lives on the ship gave him greeting, some waved. 

He saw Ezekiel smiling warmly at him, Captain Shurley tipped his hat with a smile and Jess gave him a hug. Sam clapped him on the back, Benny and Gavin grinned and winked, and then he was there, with him, after all these years. 

Dean turned, his green eyes sparkling as he looked at Cas. “Heya, angel,” he whispered, kissing his hand, “Missed you.” 

END


End file.
